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Adventures in Recruiting X: Panera Bread

 Written by    October 10, 2014

*Warning! This blog post will contain language and situations that some might find impolite to discuss in public, or possibly offensive!*
It really shouldn’t be anything too bad and I will give warning before I delve into potty humor! Also all images in this post will not be offensive (probably).

So to start:


I know in my last post I said I was going to talk about the high school visit. I changed my mind. I decided to talk about the fearful space between visits and what an admissions rep looks for in filling his or her time.

I have my Hierarchy of Needs that relates directly back to Panera Bread.


I need the following in this order:
1. Free WiFi
2. Caffeine
3. A decently clean bathroom

The reason that picking a location between visits is important is because you can often have an hour or more of downtime from one visit to the next. I don’t want to be the creeper sitting in the parking lot of a high school so I need another option(s).

My preferred choice is Panera because they offer free WiFi, have unlimited coffee that’s not bad, and most of the time a decently clean bathroom.

Now honestly pretty much any coffee house will do:


An OSU and Michigan Rep meeting over coffee

An Ohio State and Michigan rep meeting over coffee

But I like Panera because it meets my Hierarchy of Needs, but I do want to take a moment to discuss each of the points.

1. Free WiFi


Other admission reps might argue with me on needs 2 and 3, but I pretty much promise you no one will argue with free WiFi.

I typically have a physical book with me when I travel, but I still want that WiFi. I want to be able to check my email and get other “work” done.



“Why is work in quotation marks?”

“So you noticed…”

Quotation marks represent best intentions. I’m writing this post while traveling using free WiFi. I also have the attention span of a goldfish so this post might be written in short spurts.



Free WiFi is at the base of my hierarchy because I can make concessions to the 2nd need of caffeine, but not for my free WiFi! I would even do something drastic like drinking coffee at Tim Hortons just for the free WiFi. (Hey Canada, bring it.)

2. Caffeine

My caffeinated drink of choice is coffee.


I like to be caffeinated.


This is really a pretty straightforward need. I have WiFi. Now I would like caffeine, preferably coffee.

Warning: 95% of my Instagram posts are of my child.

Warning: 95% of my Instagram posts are of my child.

Which brings me to the 3rd point so…
*Warning! This next section is the one I warned you about in the beginning! If you would prefer not to read about restrooms the skip to the “Safe Line”*

3. Restroom

Now remember I’m talking about finding a safe haven between high school visits. And when talking about the using a restroom, I’m not talking about the loneliest number.


I’m talking about an escalated situation.

Nixon understands what I'm talking about.

Nixon understands what I’m talking about.

Now high schools obviously have restrooms and I have used restrooms at high schools, but as I established above, this is for an escalated threat level.


And high schools really offer two options for using the restroom, neither of which is very tenable because of potential ramifications.

Option 1 – Staff Restroom

The staff restroom is typically clean and very nice. It’s the restroom that I would want to use except if we’re talking about an escalating situation.

I don’t want to be remembered by a high school counselor as that guy.

Remember the Ohio State rep?

The alternative though.

The alternative.

The alternative…

The alternative is the high school boys restroom.

Option 2 – High School Boys Restroom

I have walked into the boys restroom thinking that I was facing an emergency.

I immediately walked out and was all like:

Game Over

I was not going back in unless fully prepared:

A new emergency level has emerged…Biblical.

We're talking Book of Revelations.

We’re talking Book of Revelations.

So to bring this back to Panera. There’s far less concern over being remembered as “that guy” and the facilities there do not inspire Lovecraftian terrors.

*Safe Line!*

And all of the above is how Panera meets my Hierarchy of Needs for a place to dwell between high school visits.

Thank you, Panera.

Thank you.

Panera Logo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panera_Bread
Coffee House: http://www.lookandlearn.com/history-images/XJ115970/The-Bedford-Coffee-House-Covent-Garden-in-the-middle-of-the-eighteenth-century?img=88&search=coffee&bool=phrase
Free WiFi: http://www.renodis.com/5-ways-burn-data-plan-rack-bill/
Goldfish: http://twopointfivekids.blogspot.com/2013/06/conversations-with-toddlers-or-wait-was.html
Coffee: http://rebloggy.com/post/photography-drawing-art-black-and-white-drink-coffee-my-posts-sketch-coffee-shop/31728678384
Kicking in: http://www.funniestmemes.com/funniest-memes-coffee-i-think-its-kicking-in/
Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/tS1p4ePeyu/?modal=true
Three Dog Night: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Three_Dog_Night_-_Three_Dog_Night.jpg
Threat Level: http://yesteryearremembered.com/?p=2815
Shudder GIF: http://giphy.com/gifs/tjwzClJM6fyEw
Game Over Image: http://media1.gameinformer.com/imagefeed/featured/gameinformer/features/
Quote in image from: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090605/quotes
Aliens GIF: http://giphy.com/gifs/mwJh5tWCCprvW
Horsemen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse#mediaviewer/
Thank you GIF: http://www.picgifs.com/comment-gifs/thank-you/picgifs-thank-you-2435402-980091/


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