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Time and Change

 Written by    April 23, 2013

I remember when I first got to college, I thought, Hmmmm. I don’t think I’m going to like it here.

And I didn’t like it. Because it was different from high school. Because not all my friends were around anymore. Because it was so overwhelming and scary. My thoughts included: how the heck am I supposed to know where my classrooms are?! and I’m sorry, but that pond is NOT a lake, you are delusional and WHERE AM I GOING?!?! and why are there so many people?!

But I figured it out. It took  a while, but I did. And it turned out to be the best thing ever.And now that my undergraduate classes are over, and my last final is looming nearby, and my friends and I will soon be strewn across the country, all I can think is: I just want to go back. I want to do it all over again.

Before I left for school, and during those first few weeks, I remember how (older) people would tell me that college is the best time of your life. I would laugh a little snarky laugh behind their backs, because how could anything be as fun or as awesome as high school?

But trust me. College is better. It is better than you could ever imagine.

Last night, some alumnae of my sorority came back, as they do every year, to hold the ceremony that marks the transition of the senior women from collegiate members to alumnae. I am now officially an alumnae. This is scary. Can I just go back, please?

After the ceremony, a few of us stuck around and reminisced and just cried because it was all over. All those friendships and all those years together, and now it’s over. We are moving away, getting jobs, and one of us is even getting married. One of us is moving to Portland, Oregon, and another is going to Tampa, Florida. I cannot even imagine how terrifying it must be to move to a new state where you know absolutely no one. Some of us are going to graduate/professional school. Some of us don’t know what they’re doing quite yet. None of us are ready to leave.

But that’s the thing–I don’t think any of us will ever really be ready to leave. I don’t know if anyone is ever ready to leave. And I can tell you until I’m absolutely blue in the face to enjoy every second and tell your friends you love them and don’t take a thing for granted. I know you can comprehend what I’m saying. But I also know you just can’t fully understand until you ‘re going through it yourself. You’ll say, “Okay, Ana, okay, got it, carpe diem and all that stuff, have fun and enjoy college, got it.” But until you are the one on the brink of graduation and moving away and moving on to a new chapter of life, it won’t fully hit you. It just won’t, until you’re the one buying a cap and gown and wishing you had just a little more time.

Just a little more time.

When I am standing on the Oval next week during the Candlelight Ceremony singing “Carmen Ohio” with my fellow soon-to-be-alumni, I will probably be in tears, wishing I just had a little more time. There, everyone will understand–we will all be wishing we could go back and do it all over again, that we had just a little more time.

Classes, The Future, Why Ohio State?

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